


Insecurities

by thanks_for_the_existential_crisis



Series: "Are You Single? I'm Asking For A Friend." [3]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: Big Gay Love Story, Bottom Matt Murdock, Deadpool being Deadpool, Drama & Romance, Happy Ending, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Wade Wilson, Light Angst, M/M, Matt Murdock Angst, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Wade Wilson Has Issues, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25569226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis/pseuds/thanks_for_the_existential_crisis
Summary: “It’s honestly ridiculous the number of traps Wade can set up using balloons, glitter, marbles, and hand grenades. Matt can’t even comprehend it.”
Relationships: Matt Murdock & Claire Temple, Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson & Karen Page, Matt Murdock/Wade Wilson
Series: "Are You Single? I'm Asking For A Friend." [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1432234
Comments: 3
Kudos: 128





	Insecurities

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Random__Fangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random__Fangirl/gifts).



> Warnings: Wade ‘dies,’ mention of mental health stuff, some anxiety/panicking (Overall the boys have a Great time) 
> 
> I finally got around to finishing this one. Really, I just had to reread and then write the last few paragraphs.

Matt was beginning to wonder. He and Wade had been going out (Casually, as they’ve yet to ‘make it official’ as the spider kid would say.) for a few weeks when they both have the time between their respective jobs and responsibilities, but every time Matt gets closer to Wade or tries to touch him, Wade goes out of his way to change the subject or bring something up that might distract Matt. He thought Wade was interested, he seemed to be, but maybe he was only interested while Matt was unattainable? He's also noticed that Wade always sounds like he's speaking through fabric when they're together, so he must be wearing his mask. Matt can't understand why though. Usually, it's just the two of them in Matt's apartment, and Wade knows that Matt can tell who he is without him needing to take off the mask, so what could he be hiding? He would ask but well, he’s tried. Wade just gets upset and then Matt feels guilty which makes Wade mad at himself which makes Matt feel worse and everything just spirals from there. He dropped it. Eventually. But, he can’t ignore it forever. Maybe if he just tries one more time? Then, if it doesn’t work he’ll let it go. So, when Wade comes over later that night and he ‘discreetly’ practically jumps off the couch when Matt sits down next to him, Matt brings it up again. And it goes a little something like this: 

“Wade, I care about you and I want to get closer to you. That means learning more about each other and advancing the relationship. If that isn't what you want you should tell me so we can figure out what we both want to do.” 

“Of course I want to get closer to you. You're practically perfect. And interested in me for some reason.” 

The last bit was quieter as if Wade didn’t mean to say it out loud. 

“Then why won't you let me get closer? Why don't you ever come over out of costume?” 

“Please drop it.” 

“Wade…” 

“I said drop it.” 

Matt sighs and slumps back into the couch. He cares about Wade but he doesn't know what to do. Mostly because he has very little idea of the problem. Sure, Wade has always sounded different than others and smelled different but he knows Matt can’t actually _see_ him. He hears Wade coming over to him and tilts his head up. 

“If...if we sit closer...will you wait longer over the mask?” 

Matt smiles at him but he doesn’t think he does a good job hiding the sadness, “Wade, I would wait longer for both if you would just talk to me. Let me in on the plan.” 

“I guess I do lack a bit in the whole communication aspect of things…” 

Matt stiffens a bit when Wade leans down to pull him up into a hug. Any physical contact between them is typically necessary during or after a fight or Matt initiates it. After a moment he leans into the hug and smiles, “Wade all I need is to know that this is going to go somewhere.” 

“I’m sorry I made you think I might not want it to.” 

So, it was successful? Ish? He knows more than he did which is good. And Wade will actually sit next to him now so there's that. Matt can wait if that's what Wade wants. He's just glad he wasn't imagining Wade's interest. Everything seems to be going well. That is, until Wade dies during a fight as he often does and Matt forgets that for Wade death isn’t permanent as _he_ often does. Matt panics. He’s not proud of it, but he’s also not too proud to admit it. He panics every. Single. Time. When people are heartbeats and movement and body heat but all of that suddenly goes away? It’s terrifying. Matt doesn’t have the luxury of watching the wounds heal to keep him calm. No, he has to attempt to differentiate between the sensory input he gets from the constant deterioration/healing and the situational deterioration/healing. What makes this death so special is that Matt hasn’t slept in two days because of nightmares about his father. So, yeah. Wade is dead. Matt is panicking. 

The fight that led to the death in question started out fairly normal. Normal, that is, until Matt heard Wade take a shotgun blast to the head. As soon as he stopped hearing Wade’s heartbeat his own sped up significantly. He has to stop and remind himself that Deadpool doesn't actually...die. It doesn't make it any better. Matt is quick to finish the fight and move Wade into a semi-safe alley a short distance away. He...may not react very well. He has to take a few moments to calm down and then...fusses. He moves Wade into a more comfortable position, pulls his mask up over his nose so he can breathe, and then...freezes. Wade is. Covered in scars. He’s never felt Wade’s skin directly before. This must be why he never takes his mask off. He wonders if Wade has ever recognized that Matt can’t see the scars or if hiding them takes precedence over logic. 

By the time Matt has almost calmed himself down Wade is waking up which drastically speeds up quelling his panic. At least it does until Wade sits up and stops speaking mid sentence because _he’s_ starting to panic. 

“Luci! Fancy seeing you here in this creepy alley. It’s been fun, really it has, but I have to go-um. Feed my fish! Yeah, I have to go feed my fish now. I’ll see you later? Cool, bye!” 

Wade is up, rambling, and gone within thirty seconds and Matt isn’t sure what’s happening. Wade doesn’t have a fish. Why was his heart beating so fast? The only thing Matt understands about this situation is that he has to just wait it out. Wade will turn up within a day, two max, and offer an explanation or apologize so Matt just has to wait for it to happen as much as he may hate it. 

Two weeks pass by and Matt is ready to go mercenary hunting. Once he hit the four-day mark he’d needed someone to talk him down every other day. At the nine-day mark he’s needed to be monitored and checked in on every hour or so to stop him from doing something stupid. But, it has officially been fifteen days and Matthew Micheal Murdock is _not_ a patient man. He _will_ be finding his wayward boyfriend and he _will_ be doing it today. No one will be stopping him anymore. 

It takes him all of ten minutes to get away from Karen and Foggy and less than thirty to lose the Spider on his tail. Matt is almost proud, those are both new records. But there is no time for celebrating accomplishments on a mission. He has a possibly schizophrenic, definitely manic assassin for hire to find. His main challenge, other than locating an impossible to find because he’s hiding Wade, will be staying out of sight during the day. Easy peasy. 

It is not easy, not at all, but nearly eleven hours later Matt has found him. He’s honestly incredibly impressed because his senses usually allow him a larger advantage. Then again, Wade would know that and know how to work against them. Well, that doesn’t matter anymore. He found him, that’s what’s important. That, and managing to break into the apartment he’s hiding in without getting killed. 

Sneaking in adds another half hour to his hunt. It’s honestly ridiculous the number of traps Wade can set up using balloons, glitter, marbles, and hand grenades. Matt can’t even comprehend it. It’s endearing though. It may not be endearing when he spends the next few months deep cleaning his apartment because he can still feel glitter all over his clothes but that’s a future him problem. Current him has a problem too, the gun pointed at his face. Much more pressing really. 

“Wade, it’s me.” 

“Fucking christ Peaches, I almost blew your head off. You have a lifelong dream of using your brain matter to paint the walls or something?” 

“Not particularly, but if that’s the price of having a conversation with you, well, needs must I suppose.” 

Matt stands silently while Wade puts his, frankly ridiculously sized, gun away. It doesn’t take long. 

“So, you’ve been gone for over two weeks. Anything interesting happen?” 

“Nothing much. You know me, I’ve just been around. Permanently maiming a pedophile here and there. Put a few domestic abusers in vegetative states.” 

“Wade. What happened?” 

“I’ve been told my face is the stuff of nightmares.” 

“Have you?” 

“Yeah. I don’t take my mask off.” 

“Wade. I know you have cancer. Don’t get me wrong, not all cancers are the same, but they all share a very distinct smell. I also know your body is in a constant state of developing more and killing it off. But Wade, I can’t see your face. I don’t have an image to put to the sounds and the smells that make up your body. I...I never will. I don’t care if your face is ‘the stuff of nightmares.’ Yes, because I’m blind. But also because it’s you.” 

“Red?” 

“Yes, Wade?” 

“You’re getting feelings all over my safe house.” 

“Well, maybe I think it looks better like that.” 

Matt grins when that makes Wade laugh. The situation may be salvageable after all. 

“You wanna come in and watch 90 Days with me?” 

“Uh, I’m already inside but yeah, sure. I’ll listen to your trashy reality show.” 

“Thanks.” 

They spend the rest of the day fielding calls from Matt’s friends and the spiderling and watching truly horrible reality TV. It's perfect. Two days later Wade shows up at his apartment holding a ring pop. He gets down on one knee and asks Matt to “go steady.” He somehow manages to do this when Karen, Foggy, and Claire are all present staging a pseudo intervention. His appearance doesn’t really help Matt’s side of the argument but it does lead to an amazing instagram post (or so he’s told.) 

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts:  
> 6\. Matt wonders why Wade never takes off the mask and asks. (Wade feels like maybe Matt wouldn't like him anymore once he figured out the truth.  
> 3\. Wade dies in front of Matt and the poor man panics until he realizes that his heart has started beating again. 
> 
> I actually really like watching 90 day fiancé. 10/10 its a great show
> 
> I’m not going to lie, parts of this one make me cringe a little. But this series is my baby and I love it even the cringe parts


End file.
